Who am I now?
by iamtryN
Summary: #3 in the Horns 4 Halos Series. Meg no longer wants to be demon, but where does that leave her? The only ones she can turn to are her former ememies and a grounded angel...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything! Sadly... but I still proudly proclaim that I am: **A Sandbox Raider**!

**NOTE#1**: This is a warning that this story will be more about Meg finding out who she is than about her romance with Cas. This is #3 of the Horns 4 Halos Series.

**NOTE#2**: I admit I had a writer's block but I actually discussed my story with my son and my husband who actually gave me some new ideas that we bounced back and forth. Then my friend Chessi was a sounding board for me! It was a great help and hopefully you enjoy my version of this AU.

Chapter 1

The phone rang loudly through the almost empty house seeming to echo off the walls and bounce back.

Dean ignored it from his position nestled into the recliner in the living room. It had been two weeks since he'd gotten Sammy back and in that time he'd found it hard to sleep; _like at all_. He didn't want to fall asleep in case he woke up to Sammy being gone again. Sammy had finally forced him to sit and try to rest while he and Bobby went after lunch.

The phone rang again.

He began to wonder if maybe it was Sammy or Bobby. _What if they had broke down_? But he reasoned with himself they would call his cell phone. He shifted to a different position as he tried to get comfortable.

The phone rang yet again.

_Shit_! He slammed a fist into the arm of the chair as he got up and went to answer the phone. "Hello?" He snapped in frustration.

"Dean… _thank god_!" came a breathy voice over the line.

"Meg?" Dean questioned totally shocked to hear her voice over the phone line.

"Yes." She sighed, the exasperation clear in her voice at his surprise; she didn't have time for his shock at her actually calling him.

"Cas ain't here." Dean stated firmly.

"He can't help me. I need you." Meg stated flatly and to the point.

"You need me?" Dean asked incredulous as he pulled the phone away from his ear as if looking at it would give him answers. When he heard her talking he quickly placed the phone back to his ear.

"Yeah, unfortunately I do need _you_ to come bail me out of jail." Meg admitted as she waited for the inevitable.

"What? What happened?" He shook his head he really shouldn't be surprised at the turn of events; she was a demon after all. At her silence he asked her in that tone that implied it was somehow _her fault and he knew it_, "What did you do?"

"I broke a guy's nose, _okay_." Meg snapped embarrassed that she was having to beg someone that recently hated her; maybe still did to come bail her out of jail.

"You went to a bar?" Dean said as he tried to hazard a guess as to why she would get into a fight.

"What? No. I was in the grocery store minding my own business." Meg said in a cranky tone.

"Then why are you in jail?" Dean asked and with a smirky tone continued, "_You know_, if you were minding your own business and all?"

"I don't know… I was picking out some fruit…" Meg said in a tone that did sound a tad bit confused, "_I was minding my own business_…" She reiterated and then sighed as she interrupted herself to say, "The sheriff wants to talk to you."

"Dean?" The sheriff asked as she took the phone and placed it to her ear.

"Jodie? What happened?" Dean asked quietly while rubbing at his eyes. He was so damn tired.

"She belongs to your bunch?" Sheriff Jodie Mills asked Dean sounding extremely put out.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. What did she do exactly?" Dean asked for what felt like the millionth time.

"Well your…" Jodie started and then paused not sure what to call Meg.

"Cousin." Dean said quickly. They hadn't really thought about how they were going to explain her new arrival.

"Well your cousin… she says the guy and I quote, '_He pinched my ass and I broke the son of a bitch's nose_.' Now, Dean you guys just can't go…" The sheriff was on a role when all the sudden she paused in her tirade to ask, "_are you laughing_? This is not funny Winchester!" She sighed as she demanded, "Just get your ass down here and pick up your cousin… Winchesters… Bobby so owes me…" She was muttering as she hung up the phone.

Dean was laughing as he grabbed his keys. Yeah he could call Bobby and Sammy since they were already in town but he had to hear the details for himself cause this was too damn funny.

As he drove into town he realized this was a weird situation that he was now in. He was going to a jail to bail out a demon… _How fucking weird was that_? The same demon that had hunted them for years. She had tried _everything _she could to take them out; killed most of his dad's friends and put Bobby in a wheelchair.

God, he must be cracked in the head. His dad would kill him if he was alive to do it. _Shit_… the hairpin turns one's life takes were shocking sometimes. Even after all they had been through it was interesting that he could still feel that surprised.

_But_, he reasoned in his head as he pulled out of the drive; she had went to hell and got back Sammy's soul and even brought back Michael to fix him. Then again Ruby had been helpful… giving them the demon killing knife and even fixing the monster killing gun for them knowing it could be used on her; all in an attempt to convince them she was good. And they had let her in… and in doing so she had nearly destroyed Sammy _and_ the world. It had been a long road back and not one he was eager to repeat anytime soon.

He ran a hand through his hair as he reasoned with himself,_ Cas trusts her_… Hell, _He even had feelings for her_. Maybe he could trust Cas on this even if he couldn't trust his or Sam's judgment.

Or maybe not? Loving a demon. Look where that had gotten Sammy. But had Sam really loved Ruby or had she been a means to an end?

_No wonder he wasn't getting any sleep _he thought crankily. His life was too fucking crazy. No sane person would think that anyone even lived this way. Let alone dealt with this shit on a day to day basis.

So intent on his musings he totally missed the fact that he'd passed Bobby and Sammy who had tried to flag him down. They immediately turned around and followed Dean.

Sammy started to panic in the fact that Dean still hadn't noticed he was being followed yet and it had been almost two miles. Out loud he asked Bobby, "Has he noticed you yet? I don't think he has. _Shit_! Where the hell is he headed? I shouldn't have left him alone. I should have stayed and made sure he slept. _Ya know he's not sleeping_." He stopped for breath as he looked worriedly at Bobby.

"Calm down ya idgit. All he is doing is driving. We are right behind him. Now really how much trouble can he get into?" Bobby reasoned with his panicked passenger.

"Oh… well, right. It's just he's my brother and we've been apart so much…" Sammy began.

"Boy, it's me you're talking to. You don't have to explain it." Bobby told Sammy even as he watched Dean make a left hand turn on Main street and head past the soda shop and café.

As Dean pulled into the parking lot of the sheriff's office and parked Sammy and Bobby muttered in unison, "What the hell?"

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine… it's been slow going… but that tunnel between the sandboxes(mine and the Winchesters), almost done! (evil laugh)

**NOTE#1**: I meant to post this is chap 1, but as one of my new reviewers kindly pointed out, I didn't… so here it is! Horns 4 Halos Series: 1. Kiss of an Angel 2. Here's to Hope and 3. Who am I now?

**NOTE#2**: It is 11:05 pm and I have been trying for HOURS to post this... kept getting a internal error message and a 'your session has timed' out! I was cuzzing like a sailor... so frustrating! So, I'm anxious to get this posted! Thanks, loves! For all the reviews, favs and alerts!

Chapter 2

Dean parked his baby and as he turned off the car he grinned at the idea of Meg being in jail. Ironically she had only a couple weeks before broke Sammy, Michael wearing Adam and Luce out of the cage only to end up in up in one herself. He sniggered as he thought that of all the people in the world she chose a Winchester to call for a bailout. _It was too funny_.

He got out and as he shut the door behind him ran smack into someone's chest. _Huh, where'd he come from_? "Sorry." he mumbled as he started to step around the roadblock.

"Dean, what the hell is wrong with you?" Snapped a familiar voice filled to overflowing with worry.

He glanced up in surprise as he asked, "Sammy?"

"Yeah, who the hell else would have been following you for several miles just to see where the hell your going?" Sammy snapped; pulling a Dean as he let his anger mask his worry.

"Bobby?" Dean commented with a shrug as he tried for a joking tone.

Sammy growled in frustration as he stepped to one side so Dean could see Bobby.

"O." Dean said as he turned a slight shade of pink before he flashed a quick grin at Bobby.

"You didn't even seem to notice us behind you… I could have killed you before you even saw me coming." Sammy snapped again as he ran a hand through his hair, another classic Dean move.

"Could not." Dean said softly as he shuffled his feet and looked away all the while feeling once again like a kid being grilled by their dad.

"I so could." snarled Sammy before he sighed and then asked quietly, "Did you even try to get some sleep?"

Dean chewed his lower lip a second or two before he answered, "I really did try Sammy. But…" he sighed before he admitted, "the phone wouldn't stop ringing… I couldn't sleep." He tried to smile at Sammy.

Sammy got instantly angry again, "Who was it?" He wanted to rip something's head off. After everything his brother had been through was it really too much to ask that he be able to get some much needed rest?

"Down, Sammy. She didn't do it on purpose." Dean huffed out a laugh as he joked, "Who would have thought I'd ever say those words in the same sentence with Meg?"

Sammy's eyebrows shot up as he growled, "You are meeting Meg?" He ran a hand through his hair as he added, "Alone?"

"Uh, yeah." Dean said with a grin.

"What the hell Dean? Did you forget everything you ever taught me?" Sammy grabbed him by the shoulder and gave Dean a slight shake.

"Dude, " Dean tried to grin as he commented, "She's sitting in a jail cell, what the hell is she going to do to me?"

Sammy's lips thinned in anger as he snarled, "Get back in the car D." pointing toward Dean's gleaming baby.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked incredulous.

"You heard me. Since your judgment is obviously impaired I'm taking over. I'm calling the shots." Sammy told his big brother firmly before he added, "We don't do shit like that alone."

"Listen _little brother _I am not _that damn_ tired." Dean said with a frown as he started to feel a little pissed himself.

Bobby finally opened his mouth to say as he stepped up next to Sammy, "Boys… Sammy is just worried. You just got each other back. Cut each other some slack." then he reached out and pried Sammy fist from Dean's shirt.

Sammy reached out with his other hand and placed his hand on Dean's shoulder and gave a slight squeeze. "I'm sorry… but dude, if it was me what would you say?"

Dean grinned as he chucked Sammy lightly on his chin with his fist as he told him just as firmly, "I'd so kick your ass, bitch."

"Well, there you go, jerk. Don't expect less from me than you would do." Sammy replied with such a old school Sammy retort that Dean had to swallow hard to keep from crying on the spot.

Dean grabbed Sammy into a hug as he slapped Sammy hard on the back, "God, I've missed you little brother."

Sammy was stunned still for a couple of seconds before his arms circled Dean in a lightening quick hug of his own once his brain and body sorted out what had just happened so he could react accordingly.

"I missed you too, bro." Sammy muttered softly into Dean's shoulder.

"So, Dean… exactly what is going on?" Bobby asked after a minute or two.

Dean and Sammy stepped apart and then Sammy turned as he took a step back to stand next to Dean.

Dean smiled as he said, "Apparently she was minding her own business when she broke some poor saps nose." He laughed at the expression on Bobby's face.

"So it was an accident?" Sammy asked the confusion evident in his voice.

Dean shrugged as he said, "I'm not sure she meant to break his nose, she sounded confused about that."

"Ok…" Bobby said slowly as he stared at Dean. "_and she called you_, why?"

"I'm the best, dude." Dean replied with a cocky grin as he flipped up the collar on his jacket.

"In your own mind, maybe." Sammy snarked as he smiled so big his dimples showed.

Again Dean had to blink back tears because he didn't realize how many of the little things that were solely Sammy that he'd missed until they appeared in front of him once again.

Sammy frowned at Dean's stricken look before he clasped him on the shoulder as he asked gently, "Dean… you ok?"

"Ye…" Dean squeaked out before he tried again, "Yeah, Sammy… never better." as he tried for a smile of his own. Changing the subject he chuckled, "Well, we better go spring our little demon before she gets tired of waiting and decides to do it herself."

Bobby glanced quickly at the sheriff's station before he turned and hurried towards it without a word to the boys. That would be all he would need to send Jodie over the edge. The sheriff looked the other way on a lot of things; even helped with some, but burning down the jail might just end their relationship. Whether they liked it or not they needed the sheriff in their corner. Walking into the station he heard Jodie yell at one of her deputies to call that damn Singer again before she ended up in her own cell for murder.

A few seconds later Sheriff Mills looked up from her desk to see Bobby walking toward her, "Bobby where the hell is that nephew of yours? He was suppose to be here a long time ago to pick up… oh, hell she not your daughter is she?" She didn't think he had a daughter, but she hadn't thought he had sisters or nephews either and they kept showing up… the nephews anyways.

Bobby was so surprised that he gave a shocked, "Hell, no." He cleared his throat; at her startled look as he hurriedly stated, "another sister's kid, been a little bit of a hell raiser her whole life."

She narrowed her eyes as she asked suspiciously, "Just how many siblings do you have?"

"A bunch?" Bobby said in an unsure voice.

She frowned as she gave a u-huh.

Glancing over at a young deputy she told him, "Go get her."

He nodded but stood nervously bouncing from one foot to the other as he hesitated.

She sighed in frustration as she told him, "Just tell her Bobby's here for her."

He nodded and with a quick glance at Bobby hurried away to do the sheriff's biding.

"Bobby, you need to explain to that girl that just because I consider you my friend doesn't mean she gets a free pass to go around breaking people's noses." Jodie said wearily.

Bobby nodded but asked, "What happened to him?"

"He's in his own cell… well, after they fixed his nose." Jodie glanced at the door as the boys walked in.

"Dean, what the hell took you so long?" Jodie asked in a obvious huff.

Dean smiled as he joked, "My jailers wanted to find out why I was here." at her confused look he added, "They caught me in the parking lot."

Before she could question him further they heard Meg growl at the deputy, "Don't touch me."

Jodie sighed dramatically as she said, "See she's impossible to deal with."

"Are you charging her with anything?" Bobby asked.

"Not this time. Just get her the hell out of my town for a day or two." Jodie said with a glare Meg's direction which immediately transferred to Dean when he laughed at Jodie's obvious frustration.

"What?" Dean asked innocently.

Meg spotted Dean at that exact moment and grinned as she asked, "What took you so long?"

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Dude! I so want them to be mine! Can't I please have them? Ok, okkkkaayyyy... ya don't have to get nasty... I was just askin'! LOL

**NOTE#1**: LOVE, ADORE and appreciate the reviews, favs and alerts as always!

**NOTE#2**: I owe everyone a great big **'I AM SO SORRY!**' for not getting this posted yesterday! Well ya all know that I am a great whiner about the migraine monster... but he was on the prowl yesterday and attacked me from behind... and I was down for the count... I need an assistant... ya know, to keep an eye out for that evil son of a... ;) Enjoy, loves!

Chapter 3

"I'm here now aren't I?" He asked with a grin and a shrug as he spread his arms wide.

She smiled at him as she noticed Sammy she snarked. "Hey the gangs all here."

"Bobby what is this one's last name?" She asked with a nod Meg's direction before she continued, "She said she couldn't remember." Jodie stated in a tone that let them know she obviously didn't believe her.

Meg shrugged because at this point in time she really had no idea what her last name was so she had told the truth on that.

Bobby glanced quickly at the boys before he grinned and said, "Tonohell."

Jodie rolled her eyes as she snapped accusingly at him, "You just made that up, Bobby Singer."

Bobby sighed dramatically before he said, "She goes by Singer. Her mother was never married… now you know the family's dirty little secret."

Meg gasped before she huffed indignantly, "I'm not some dirty little secret."

The young deputy took a hurried step back as he glanced worriedly at Meg.

She followed his movements with her eyes as she looked over her shoulder to grin at him.

"Now calm down Meggy, Uncle Bobby never said…" Dean said as he chuckled at the look he recieved from Meg.

"Oh, shut up, Dean." Meg snapped as she glared at all of them before her glance finally settled on the sheriff, "Can I go now?"

Sammy snickered at the look Dean gave him that clearly said, _Can you believe she just told me to shut up? Me_?

Sheriff Mills studied Meg before she said in a resigned tone, "This time you get off with a warning… One more time and I book you. A witness came forward to say he did assault you so… "

Meg smiled as she supplied, "Stay squeaky clean."

"Yes, Miss Singer." Jodie sighed feeling worn out from her encounter with the newest member of the Singer clan to arrive.

Meg looked once again at the deputy behind her as she told him in a conversational voice, "I'm fighting on the side of good now… I have no desire to kill you."

The deputy gave Jodie a panicked look before hurrying away from the small group.

"Boys, maybe Meg would like some fresh air while I chat with the sheriff for a few." Bobby told them as he gave them a look that said to leave; _like yesterday_.

"Come on cuz, let go get some pie." Dean said with a huge grin as he motioned to Meg to move towards the door.

She looked at him and told him frankly, "Looks like you need to sleep a whole lot more than you need pie."

"I was trying… you kept calling." Dean said in the same frank tone.

"O." Meg said as she followed the boys outside before she added quietly. "Where does she want me to go?"

Sammy spoke up, "You can't break people's noses… it's against the law."

She laughed at him as she said bluntly, "He's lucky that's all I did. I didn't think about it… it just happened. Before I knew it, he'd pinched my ass and I broke his nose…" She crinkled her nose at them before she murmered, "How far do you think that will set me back?"

"Set you back?" Sammy repeated not sure what she meant by her question.

"Mikey said if I do good it will take away…" She stopped and bit her lip as she thought of a better way to explain… "It's like I have a _'bad I've done_' scale in one hand and a _'good I've done'_ in the other. I've got to keep adding to the good side until it overrides the bad and finally wipes it away."

Dean whistled and then commented as they walked along, "Well, you sure are going to be busy for a long time."

"We sure are." She agreed with a grin aimed at Dean.

"What? Wait, where the hell did you come up with _we_?" Dean growled instantly frustrated to be included in her assessment of her situation.

"I can't very well ask Cas right from wrong… he's as lost as I am. Just on the good side." Meg was quick to point out.

"Yeah, you make a _awesome_ pair." Dean stated sarcastically as they walked up to the impala and stopped.

"Well," She huffed crankily, "there's no call to be nasty."

Dean raised an eyebrow as he opened the impala's door. "I'm not your guardian angel sweetheart." and with that said he climbed into the car and closed the door. After he waited a few seconds he rapidly rolled down the window enough to call out, "Sammy… move it. Pie's waiting."

Dean peeled out of the parking spot only to feel Sammy staring at him, "What?" he snapped.

"We do owe her. We have to at least give her a chance." Sammy said softly as he watched Dean carefully for any sign of how he felt on the subject.

"Didn't you just ream my ass for coming after her?" Dean asked with an eyebrow arched in question.

Sammy shrugged; he was confused about his feelings on the whole Meg situation himself.

Dean angrily slammed on his brakes as he growled, "I came and got her ass out of jail. That should count for something."

"She got my ass out too and then she went back and secured that Michael fix me." Sammy told Dean quietly as he watched his brother's reaction to his words.

"Shit, Sammy. This is hard." Dean muttered as he rammed a hand through his hair in frustration _'and confusing'_ he added silently in his head, no way in hell he was telling Sammy that! _Big bad brother being confused over a demon_ so not caring and sharing _that_! He remembered how much hell he'd given Sammy over Ruby which by the way he'd been right about... God, this was actually fryin' his brain!

"I know, D." Sammy stated simply.

He leaned his head out his lowered window and yelled, "Meg… get the lead outa your ass… I'm starving here." Sticking his head back in he glared at Sammy as he muttered, "Happy now?"

Sammy raised an eyebrow as he looked back to see Meg sprinting towards the car before he looked at Dean and said softly, "That doesn't mean we don't watch our backs…"

Dean glared as he amended in a hurried voice, "We watch each others sixes."

Looking at each other they both said at the same time, "And Bobby and Cas'."

As they drove to the café Meg could feel Dean's eyes on her from the rearview mirror. He was staring while pretending he wasn't. Finally she couldn't take it anymore, "What?" She snapped while she stared back at him via the mirror.

"Heard from Cas lately?' Dean eventually asked in response.

She turned pink as she said softly, "No. But he said they'd be watching. That's why I asked, _What do you think they will do to me for what I did_." She asked sounding genuinely worried.

Sammy spoke up, "Well, there was extenuating circumstances. I'm sure that will be taken into account."

"Geek." Dean muttered with a slight grin aimed at Sammy.

Sammy smiled back as he said under his breath, "jerk."

Meg listened to them, she really didn't understand the way their relationship worked. She'd had a brother and it wasn't the same thing at all. He had shot her with that colt even, not knowing for sure if it would blink her out of existance... He hadn't cared if it ended her or not. Would she ever get it, ever understand? Ever learn what family really meant? Hell, relationships in general were a total loss. She had faked being nice to get close to Sammy before. _To get John_. She had been so evil, could she ever be forgiven? Was it right to even ask the ones she had tried to hurt the most to_ forgive_ her... _to help her_?

"Maybe I should leave." She muttered not realizing she voiced her thought aloud.

Dean had pulled into a parking spot and as he slammed the car into park he turned around in his seat to stare at Meg.

"What?" She asked once again.

"You have no fucking idea what you are doing." Dean stated frankly.

"And your point?" She snapped peevishly. She knew that, but did the ass really have to rub it in?

"It's not like it was when you were sporting demon bitch attitude… now you have to think about the consequences before you do something." Dean commented.

Sammy added, "We don't have any idea how many things you have pissed off when you were big and bad that may come looking for you now." When she looked at him blankly he added, "For payback."

"Then why don't you just let them have me?" She asked confused.

"We should." Dean agreed with a nod as he told her. "But for what you did for my brothers I owe you a chance but I will be watching you."

Meg nodded as she said, "You'd be a fool to trust anyone blindly."

"But that what family does." Sammy smiled as he told her with a quick glance at Dean.

"See you guys are always confusing me." Meg commented and then added, "You say not to trust blindly," She nodded her head at Dean before pointing at Sammy, "but then you say that family does that... I really don't understand."

"Research, dude." Dean said with a quick glance Sammy's direction as he slung open his door.

"What?" Sammy asked as he too swung open his door.

They looked at each other over the top of the car, "Yeah, let's have her watch Outsiders… now that's family."

Sammy frowned at Dean as he told his older brother, "I didn't realize you liked that movie."

"The book was better." Dean commented and then grinned at Sammy's shocked expression. "What, dude? I read."

"Wow." Sammy commented as Meg stared at them both trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She'd been a loner even though she had her brother… she was like any other demon to him. They didn't have what the Winchester boys had even after everything that had happened between them. Maybe that was why she'd hated them so much, she speculated.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I so just want to play with them that's all, I'll give em back! I promise... (smiles sweetly while fingers crossed behind back) It's NOT nice not to share... Throws self on the ground and kicks and screams while peeking up under my arm to see if it has any affect... no, fine then... be that way! Still don't own...

**NOTE#1**: Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews! I adore them and apprecite the time you all take to read and review! (blows kiSSes!) Also, as always love the favs and alerts! I'm posting this on 2 hours sleep but hey... computer is free so taking advantage! (smiles)

**NOTE#2**: Where are you C? What's up? U K? Let me know, babe... And V... will catch up MON, love!To all my FFF, this chap is for you guys! Luv ya! Enjoy!

Chapter 4

She followed silently behind them as she wondered if she would ever have that easy camaraderie with anyone. If she could be a person… the one she might have been; given a chance… _was it even possible? Cas told her it was_ she thought before a but slammed into her _'Did he mean it or was he just saying what he thought she wanted to hear?'_ Or was it a pipe dream and Cas was playing her? No, she shook her head... he was too honest for that kind of mind game. Dean on the other hand... she mused before her thoughts mangled there way back to: _She had everything figured out before Cas had flown into her life and took it upon himself to kiss her_.

She thought at one time maybe she had been normal… before she knew there was anything besides good… Her parents had been just people… but before what she had no idea what had changed them. She had no clue what part was a dream and what part was real… She shook her head as if to clear it. Dwelling on the past only caused more pain; not anything remotely like the pain she had willingly caused others but still uncomfortable. _Frying brain again_, she thought silently; while she rubbed at her eyes she plastered on a smile and sat down beside Sammy.

"Ok. Meg just what is going on in that freaky head of yours?" Dean asked as he picked up a menu and opened it, staring at her over the top of it.

She bit her lip as she looked from Sammy to Dean and then she cleared her throat as she said nervously, "I don't know what…" She stopped and then with a sigh she began again, "I need to know who I am…"

Dean smiled as he told her jokingly as he tried to lighten the mood, "You're Meg Singer… niece to the famous Bobby Sing…"

"Dean…" Came a squeal from some female off to the right.

Dean stopped in mid-sentence as he whiplashed around to stare behind him.

"Oh, god I thought that was you! My it has been ages since I've seen you. You haven't changed a bit!" The woman cooed as she made her way over to them.

Dean had a startled deer caught in the headlight look as he stared unblinking at the woman who had stopped in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" He managed to choke out as he paled dramatically.

"Oh, passing through… road trip with my husband… you remember him?" She said with a smile before she added, "Terrance."

Dean instantly turned almost a grayish green hue, which Meg thought was pretty impressive since he'd already changed colors once already, "Look Darnie… I"

"Darla." She corrected him.

"Right." Dean agreed before he told her hurriedly. "We're just passing through as well… uh…"

"Yeah." Meg spoke up, deciding Dean needed a break, "My cousin here is just getting away from his wife for a visit with his family. We haven't seen each other in ages…" Meg looked pointedly at the door.

Darla looked down at Dean's left hand obviously checking for a wedding ring and when she found none she narrowed her eyes to glare at Meg.

Meg said softly with a smile still playing on her lips, "Oh, hon… that is one game you do not want to play with me."

Sammy grinned as he laid a hand on Meg's arm and told her in a stage whisper, "We just got you out of jail for breaking that guy's nose…"

It was Darla's turn to pale as she took a step back before she said, "I think I hear Terry calling me… so, uh… nice to see you again."

Dean nodded but looked away quickly to stare out the window.

After a few minutes of silence Sammy blurted out, "Dude, what the hell was that about?"

"I met her while you were in college." Dean stated flatly with a clear _'shut the fuck up now, that's all your getting'_ tone.

Meg grinned before she said, "I guess you got a lot of woman out there wondering where their prince charming ran off to."

At Dean's silence and follow up glare she snickered.

Sammy looked at them and then at the expression on Dean's face and promptly changed the subject, "So, exactly what do you mean by '_you want to know who you are_?' Do you mean what type…"

She huffed at him before saying, "I don't know my name… my first or last… hell I don't remember my brother's _real_ name. What town I lived in… I have memories but I don't know what's real or what's made up… hell I don't even know my true age…"

Dean had turned to stare at her before he stated softly, "Yeah, I imagine that would suck."

She chewed her lip a second and then asked, "Will you help me?"

Dean stared at her a few seconds before he nodded as he told her, "We'll start when we get back to Bobby's."

Then he waved at a passing waitress as he yelled, "Hey Marge."

"I know, " She said with a smile, "Pie's on it's way."

"That's my girl!" Dean called back with a grin.

Meg was staring at him again.

"What?" Dean asked innocently followed by a shrug.

"You are a real piece of…" Meg started to say only have twin yelps directed at her.

"Hey!" Dean snapped as he frowned at her.

"Meg." Sammy chastised at the same time.

"I was going to say work… jeez guys. Relax." Meg said as she took the menu Dean had yet to actually read.

"Where the hell is Bobby?" Dean growled changing the subject again as he glared out the window.

"So, what have you been doing the last two weeks?" Sammy asked interrupting and swinging the conversation in yet another direction.

"You mean you really don't know?" Meg asked frowning; she had been certain that she had seen Dean a couple of times as he followed her.

Dean grinned as he shrugged, "You caught us…"

"I thought I saw you last night." She said as she smirked back while she stared at him.

"Guilty." Dean gave her one of his famous smiles as he snuck a peek at Sammy. _Any minute now..._ Dean thought as he watched Sammy's face begin to change as dawning struck.

"Wait… what?" Sammy frowned when he asked as he studied Dean.

"Not now Sammy." Dean said with an edge to it.

"So, it happened right after you left the parking lot." Meg stated to Dean as she grinned, "I went in and bam!" Meg giggled.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: I adore the Winchesters and all things Kripke and Gamble... gbabe says the sun is up... it seems to be the answer to everything... how can I apply that to get to play with the boys? (taps chin while thinking) I know, I know! (jumping up and down with excitement) pointing at the sun as I yell in a very excited tone; _look the sun_ and when they are looking at the sun and the sun is in their eyes... snatch and grab! Yep, totally rockin' plan... hey no need to get nasty now... you coulda just said you didn't like it... LOL

**NOTE#1**: Thank you all so much for taking the time to R&R my FFF! As always thanks for the favs and alerts as well! In a totally unrelated note, It's funny where kittens can sleep! I have one that I am now typing over... (it's asleep half on the keyboard and half on the desk)

Chapter 5

"Hey, Marge…" Dean raised his voice as he told the waitress, "How about you wrap me up a cherry and an apple to go… Some things have come up."

"Sure thing sweetie." Marge said as she headed towards the kitchen to take care of Dean's order.

Dean looked back to the table to see Meg and Sammy staring at him; he gave a slight shrug as he asked, "What? I know I'm sexy as hell, but really… "

Meg snorted at Dean and as her snort turned into a laugh she managed to say, "It's a wonder your eyes aren't brown."

Dean frowned as he leaned back and spread his arms across the back of the booth, "Huh?"

"You know, cause you're so full of shit." She told him frankly.

Sammy threw back his head and laughed out loud before he abruptly cut it off at the glare Dean leveled his way, "What?" Sammy asked with a shrug of his own, "It was funny." and his mouth twitched as he tried to keep his smile at bay.

Marge came over and sat three boxes in front of Dean. At Dean's questioning look she added with a grin, "the third one is for that Uncle of yours."

Dean looked up with a genuine smile, "How much do we owe you, darlin'?"

"Don't worry about it dear. I put it on your Uncle's tab." Marge grinned as she told him in a conspiratory whisper.

Dean reached for his wallet for a tip.

She waved it away as she told him with a laugh, "I gave myself a tip… your uncle's a generous man." and then she turned and walked away.

"Well," Dean said as he stood, "Why don't we go find out what's keeping Uncle Bobby?" He was hoping he had distracted his brother from the fact he had been tailing Meg at night by himself without backup.

Sam reached over taking the top box and then he waited for Dean to head out the door first. He stared at Dean's back as his thoughts raced towards the one place Dean didn't want them to as he considered, _'If Dean thought he was going to forget the stalking Meg with no back up thing then big bro was more tired than he had originally thought._'

When they walked out of the café they immediately noticed Bobby leaning against the impala looking as if he had been waiting on them. Dean and Sam shared a look over Meg's head.

Bobby watched them walk up and he wondered for the millionth time if they weren't making the mother of all fuck ups by trusting a self proclaimed changed demon. Last time had been bad enough but here they were again. He smiled as they walked up to him.

"We were waiting on you." Dean stated calmly.

"Sorry, boy. I was catching up with Jodie." Bobby said as he glanced casually towards the café.

Dean smiled as he told Bobby, "Marge says hi and thanks for the tip."

Bobby turned back to stare at Dean as he muttered, "You idjit. Let's go home."

"Oh, yeah... she sent you a box of something." Dean told him with a grin.

Bobby shook his head as he went to his car and the boys got into the impala.

Dean stood on the side of the car and looked over the roof as he asked, "What the hell, Meg? You waitin' for a written invitation?"

She grinned as she opened the back door and climbed in.

They had only gone a few blocks when Sammy looked at Dean and asked softly but with a slight edge to his voice, "Just when were you going to tell me about the late night trips?"

"Not now." Dean stated as he stared straight ahead.

"Dean, we will discuss it." Sammy declared firmly as he glared at his older brother.

"Of that I have no doubt little brother." Dean stated solumnly.

After they arrived at Bobby's and were seated around the kitchen table Meg finally asked, "Where do we go from here?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it and think first thing we need to do is talk to Cas." Dean said as he played with a pen that had been laying on the table.

Meg straightened in her chair as a small smile played on her lips.

Bobby asked as he sat plates on the table beside the boxes, "Why are we calling Cas?"

"Meg is soul searching." Sammy said as he stood and walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass and preceded to fill it with tap water.

"What the hell are you talking about, ya idgit?" Bobby growled as he plopped forks and a knife down next.

"She wants to know who she is… or who she was before." Dean added with a grin as he snagged a plate and fork.

"Before what?" Bobby asked as he opened the top box and smirked as he told Dean, "Pecan pie. Margie makes the best."

Dean raised an eyebrow as he mouthed, "Margie." at Sammy.

"Before hell." Sammy commented and as he smiled at Dean's shocked look he came back over to sit down with them.

Bobby raised an eyebrow as he looked at them.

"Cas… can you grace us with your winged presence?" Dean asked as he closed his eyes. After a couple seconds he opened one eye to peek to see if Cas had shown up. "Huh…" Dean said when nothing happened.

Suddenly a swoosh and an electric charge filled the air and Cas appeared in front of the stove.

Meg smiled at Cas. He noticed her and returned the smile before turning his attention to Dean.

"You called?" Cas said before he said quickly, "Talk fast Dean."

"What?" Dean asked as he frowned at Cas.

"Talk fast. I am still grounded. I can only stay a moment." Cas said as he looked at each one in turn.

"Can you tell us about Meg?" Dean began.

"She is genuine in her desire to change." Cas stated automatically.

"Well, that's good to know." Dean commented, he _really_ was relieved to hear that. "But, she wants to know who she was before hell."

Cas tilted his head to the side clearly showing he didn't understand what Dean meant.

"Who was she before she given to Azazel." Dean stated bluntly.

"Oh." Cas said as he looked at Meg curiously.

He tilted his head as he looked as he was listening to something they couldn't hear. "I gotta go." He said hurriedly.

"No." She rushed over to him as she told him breathlessly, "Cas… I have no idea what I'm doing… I need you to guide me." her voice edging towards panic.

He pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead as he whispered, "That's why you're here. They will help you. Just listen to them."

He looked at her as he said, "I can't interfere. It's your journey." Then looking over her head towards the men as he said, "Maybe you should take a trip to Missouri." and with that he was gone.

She wrapped her arms around her chest as she turned to stare at the three at the table," Finally she asked, "What does that mean?"

"Road trip." Dean said with a smile.

"Dean. I'm not so sure that's a good idea." Bobby said with a glance around the table.

"Why not?" Dean asked.

"We don't know what's out there looking for Miss Singer here." Bobby finally said after staring at Dean as if trying to say something more with his eyes.

"Bobby we need to know…" Sammy started to say before he was interrupted by Meg.

"Bobby's right… why should you risk yourselves for me… especially after all I've done to you?" Meg said softly. Meg watched them as she felt the quilt wash over her once again. It was a very unpleasant sensation that she really didn't care for. _Damn_, she thought as she felt tears well up when she looked at them.

"Until she gives a reason not to anymore, we give her a chance. For what she did for my brothers." Dean said as he watched Meg.

"Standing right here." Meg said with a slight grin at Dean.

Dean raised an eyebrow as he said softly, "I know." he gave a slight grin of his own.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: Well, the tunnel between my sandbox and the Winchesters was done but then it caved in and I have to start over... (sob)... Sand (sniffle)... box(sob) Rai...(hiccup)... (sob)...ders Ru... (wail) le! So... no ownage here...

**NOTE#1**: Have I mentioned that I adore all my FFF and their reviews? Well, I do! Also love favs and alerts! Better than chocolate guys! But I would still wuv ya without them! I love chatting with ya too cause most of ya know I can chat for hours about any and everything! :) Ok, maybe not everyone knows that but those of you that do, know it's true! (giggle)

**NOTE#2**: Hope you all enjoy this chap, luvs! Random note the kitten attacking my fingers while I type I am going to call 'Meow'. She wags her tail when I call her that, you think that means she likes it?

Chapter 6

"So, I'll call Missouri in the morning." Sammy said as he looked around the table to see if there was any objections to his suggestion of a call.

"I can see what I can dig up on the internet." Bobby added as he sat plates with pie slices in front of everyone including Dean who already had one.

Dean grinned as he said with a smirk, "The other plate's still empty."

Bobby threw a towel at his head which he easily ducked as he laughed at Bobby's growl of frustration.

Meg said softly as she looked around a little afraid to hear their response to her question, "Um… where would… um." She cleared her throat and tried again, "Where should I go for the night?"

Bobby looked at the boys before he looked back at her and finally asked, "Where do you think you should go?"

She blinked several times as she chewed her lip before she said softly, "You can um… I can sleep outside on the porch and you can ward the doors and windows against me."

"Or we can pull the cot out of the panic room and set you up a place downstairs in the basement… " Bobby said as he gave a small smile, he wasn't quite ready to forgive her… she had a lot to prove yet and a lot to do pennance for.

"Alright but only if you lock me in. Put a protection spell on all the exits." She told Bobby as she stared at him.

"Meg… Cas says your ok." Dean said softly.

"Dean your sweet but I can't believe you can forget so easy. I have to earn this." Meg said just as quietly.

"Honey. I'm not stupid or forgetful… we will watch you and." He smiled at her but the smile didn't reach his eyes as he continued, "If necessary I will take any action I need to to protect my own. But who that grows to include is up to me, Sammy and Bobby."

"What about Cas?" She asked with her mouth twitching as she tried to control herself enough to keep the smile at bay.

"Cas is clearly distracted by your…" Dean stopped and turned slightly pink.

She chuckled as she commented, "Many charms?"

Dean grinned as he raised an eyebrow and then shrugged as he turned and left the room.

Sam held up an index finger in a just a second gesture and followed Dean as he caught up with his brother on the front porch he grabbed him by the arm as he said, "Dude, hold up man."

Dean stopped on the top step of the porch and turned to look at Sam.

"D… what's wrong?" Sammy asked as he let his hand drop away.

Dean shook his head as he ran a hand through his hair and then stuck his hands in his front pockets of his jeans. He chewed his lip finally looking Sammy in the eye as he told him in barely a whisper, "Damn," he shook his head again as he admitted quietly, "I really am trying here man."

"I know D." Sammy acknowledged gently.

"I'm trying cause I really appreciate what she did for you and for Adam… but I can't seem to let go of the past…" Dean said his voice hoarse with emotion.

Sammy looked like he was going to say something but paused when Dean pulled a hand out of his pocket to hold up to halt him before he started.

"Sam I hated Ruby…" He told him flatly.

Sammy flinched but said nothing, god he wished he could take that whole Ruby thing and burn it from existence. It was defantly not his finest moment.

"But I grew to trust her for a time and it ended up fucking us all to hell." Dean said with a sigh.

"That wasn't your doing… it was mine." Sammy argued as he started to reach for Dean again.

"Sammy, we didn't stand a chance." Dean said even as he jerked in response to Sammy's movement so he dropped his hand back down before it reached his big brother. "They had the deck stacked against us from the beginning." He finished looking Sammy in the eye.

"Ok, but…" Sanny started only to have Dean sigh in frustration.

"Don't you see?" Dean's voice took on a half pleading, half pissed tone as he continued, "I just can't wipe the slate clean and pretend that the world is all roses and puppies."

"What?" Sammy asked, he was really trying to follow what Dean was saying but Dean had lost him at roses and puppies… "Look I get your stressed." Sammy began only to have Dean interrupt him again.

"Dude, you have no idea." Dean said with a slight grin.

Sammy tilted his head to the side as he studied his brother before he stated boldly, "I know you haven't been sleeping. Your beyond fucking exhausted."

"bitch I can still beat your ass." Dean tried to sound light hearted as he turned and walked towards the impala as he muttered, "Let her have the house we can take the car."

When he reached the car he turned and leaned back against the hood placing his boot against the bumper. Dean hung his head as he suddenly felt old beyond his years.

"jerk, at your level of exhaustion I could take you one handed." Sammy said with a grin as he copied big brother's stance.

"You can try." Dean said as he grinned at his little brother he slugged him lightly on the arm.

They sat in silence a few seconds before Dean finally said, "We need to get back in there and check on Bobby."

Sammy immediately stood as he turned to stare intently at Dean before he told him softly, "We will know soon. Once we talk to Missouri."

Dean nodded before he smacked Sam on the shoulder and pushed himself off the impala. He laughed at Sammy's shocked look as he helped him off the ground so they could head towards the house and back to Bobby.

Going up the steps Dean suddenly stopped and turned slightly as he tilted his head to listen.

Sammy looked back as well but not seeing anything he turned back to watch his brother.

Dean stood so still he didn't even look like he was breathing.

"Dean?" Sammy asked in barely a whisper.

Dean nodded his head towards the end of the driveway. "Company." He said simply.

Sammy looked again but still saw nothing. He bit his lip… Dean wasn't sleeping and now he…

"Stop looking at me like that, dammit. I'm not hallucinating and I'm not deaf." He said with a grin as he pointed back at the driveway.

Sammy turned just in time to see headlights coming up the drive. He shook his head as he stepped up beside his brother to wait for the new arrival.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: Yep, ya all know it but I have 2 say it anyway... not mine, don't own... can't have...

**NOTE#1**: Thanks all! Hope you all enjoyed the last chap! Love all the reviews, favs and alerts! I know this has been my excuse alot lately, but I wanted to get this out before I'm down for the count for the day! If anything glares at you, let me know... I will fix it, Luv ya'll!

Chapter 7

Dean patted his back to let Sam know he was carrying his nine.

Sammy nodded as he said quietly, "Me too."

Then they waited until the cab pulled up to the house. They looked at each other both wondering what the hell a cab was doing here in the middle of the night.

As the back door opened before the cab had even completely stopped someone yelled, "Come help me, don't just stand there catching flies with your mouths."

Dean smiled as he hurried down the steps followed closely by Sammy.

Missouri looked at Dean as she told him, "Don't just stand there, pay the man."

Dean glared at her and opened his mouth to snap when she smirked as she handed Sammy a bag she said, "Don't even think about talking to me like that boy."

Sammy laughed as he told Dean, "Wow."

Dean grumbled as he asked the cabby, "How much?"

When he heard the price he snapped, "Seventy-five dollars… you gotta be shitting me? Where the hell did you come from?"

The cabby opened his mouth to answer when Dean held up his hand to silence him then with his other hand shoved a wad of money at the cab driver as he grumbled, "Keep the change."

The cab driver left in a cloud of dust after Sammy had pulled Missouri's other bag out of the backseat.

They stood in a half circle staring at each other in silence before Dean cleared his throat making it clear he was about to say something.

Missouri smiled as she patted Dean on the arm as she told him, "Boy you have been sending out waves loud enough to wake the dead for weeks now."

Startled Dean jerked his gaze to Missouri.

She smiled gently as she told him, "Sammy is fine hon."

Dean visably relaxed about ten notches down on his stress meter.

Sammy smiled at him as he thought about his big brother.

Missouri smiled at Sammy as she told him, "Nice to have you whole again, boy. You are one scary giant without your moral compasses."

Dean grinned as he told her, "That's what I said."

She started towards the door as she acknowledged, "Yeah, I know."

"I was going to call you in the morning." Sammy admitted as he led the way into the house.

"Bobby… company." Dean yelled as he entered the house.

Bobby stepped out of the living room holding one of his sawed off shotguns.

"Idgit," She said with a smirk as she told him, "I'm here to help, now put that thing down before I have to trudge into the kitchen after one of your wooden spoons to wack _you _with."

Bobby glared as he told her crankily, "Not before I fill your as…"

"Mr. Singer, that is just plain rude." Missouri said with a smile as she watch his expression change from wariness to aggreivated.

"And threatening me with a spoon in my own house isn't?" Bobby asked in his husky, '_you've done pissed me off woman_' tone.

Dean couldn't help it, he threw back his head and laughed and once he quieted enough to look around he noticed that Sammy was trying really hard to keep a straight face.

"Idgits." Bobby muttered as he walked back into the study to his desk, leaning the shotgun up against the corner behind the desk. Picking up his glass of whiskey he downed it and then looked up to stare at Missouri.

"The trip was dangerous for the boys to make so I came here instead." She answered his unasked question.

"Why?" Sammy asked as he leaned against the desk to watch Missouri.

"So who are the demons looking for us or Meg?" Dean guessed as he walked over to prop himself beside Sammy effectively hiding Bobby from view.

"Dean you have a spark all your own, you know that boy?" Missouri said as she narrowed her eyes to watch Dean.

"Bullshit… I'm just not stupid… Sammy and Bobby were thinking the same thing. It's what we are trained to do." Dean snapped. _Him psychic? __Like hell… even Sammy wasn't anymo_… Dean's stopped his thoughts in middle of the track to stare at Missouri.

She stared back at him as she let that thought go, they could deal with that later. "This… this Meg… she's why you need me, right?"

"You tell me?" Dean snarked.

"Dean." Sammy scolded as Bobby just stared taking in the whole thing.

"She is a boon for both sides. They will both want her. Right now your friend Cas is protecting her from his side… but she's wide open for the other side to take pot shots at her." Missouri said direct and to the point.

"What the he…" Dean started but was smacked on the arm by Missouri.

"Shut up for two seconds boy and I will tell you." Missouri growled and then with a sigh she began, "She did something that few have been able to do... She has gained the trust of an angel, the gratitude of another angel and the wraith of the devil, all at the same time. Quite a feat for a kiss."

"What?" Dean asked, confused.

Sammy said with a grin, "Why don't we go to the kitchen and get comfortable?"

After they had all moved to a chair in the kitchen, Missouri said softly as she looked toward the basement door, "Her idea, huh?"

Bobby shook his head as he told her, "Yeah… but we find it." He stopped he could tell by the look on her face that she knew.

Missouri nodded as she told them, "She has a long journey ahead of her."

Dean finally laid it out on the line what they all had been wondering, "But is she on the up and up, legit… I mean can we trust her?"

"I got it the first time." Missouri told him as she leaned forward and grabbed his hand.

He jumped up and away as he told her angrily, "Don't… just… don't." Dean slammed a hand through his hair as he told her, "This is not about me… so don't."

At the silence he realized he had three pairs of eyes glued on him. He brought his shaking breathing under control as he gave a equally shaky laugh.

Sammy stood and took a step toward Dean.

"Meg needs to know who she is to decide where to go from here." Missouri told them frankly.

"Should I go get her?" Dean asked taking a step away from Sam.

"In a minute." She said as she told them. "If she continues on her current path she will be a huge advantage for the side of good."

Dean swallowed as he asked, edging away from Sam. "And if she falls?"

"You three won't let that happen." Missouri replied with confidence.

"Is she playing us?" Bobby asked.

"I don't think so… I will find out more when I talk with her." Missouri said looking Bobby in the eye. Bobby nodded and walked over to the door and scratching at the paint on the floor opened it to call down, "Meg, can you come up here? We have company."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: I have a fellow sandbox raider that is going to help me fix my tunnel! Whoop whoop! Yep, that's right we bad! LOL! Z, my partner in crime! oh, yeah, I'm suppose to say... I don't own...

**NOTE#1**: I want to thank everyone for the reviews, favs and alerts! Love them adore ya! I know I said I wouldn't be taking on anymore projects after the sequal to I'm back right... until after the move... but xenascully may be including me in her story auction for the convention in July! I can't go because of moving in July but we are looking at a couple of options! It's going to be fun! I wish I could be there in person :(... but this may be the next best thing!

**NOTE#2**: First: I am very sorry about not posting yesterday! Please forgive me. I realize that is the 2nd time it has happened in this story. 2nd: I wanted to not do this until after the move or at least not in the middle of a story but... I will only be posting twice a week at least until I can get my own computer up and running. I hope not to upset my FFF, it would really upset me to lose friends over this, but I can't see another solution at this time... as I really want to continue to write... So I was thinking Wednesday and Sunday. Of course I am posting this on Thursday with Chap 9 coming out on Sunday. Well, I guess that's it for now...

Chapter 8

Meg scrambled up the stairs and into the room as she stumbled to a stop to stare at the woman seated at the table. "I don't know you." She stated flatly while her heart started to pound rapidly. She had hurried because she thought Cas had managed another visit; not because some lady she didn't know was sitting there as if waiting for her.

Missouri smiled as she told her, "I know… but you will."

They all turned to stare at Missouri in a sudden panic at the thought of Missouri being possessed. They hadn't even checked.

She snorted as she said hautily, "Bobby's right, you're all idgits. I'm not possessed."

The visable relief was almost laughable as she studied Meg, "Oh, child. The life you've lived." She said sadly.

Meg snapped instantly angry, "I don't need your pity."

"Girl, don't be an ass. Empathy is not pity. Has it really been that long…" She asked as she reached out and grabbed Meg's arm.

Meg tried to jerk away as she stared in terror at Missouri. Why was this strange person touching her?

They startled into action when Missouri slumped into her chair letting go off Meg's arm and sliding against the table heading straight for the floor.

They were equally surprised when Meg passed out on the floor in a heap.

Bobby and Dean knelt by Meg while Sammy checked on Missouri.

Missouri held up her hand as she gasped out, "Just give me a minute… please… " She tried to catch her breath as she continued, "there is so much to process."

Sammy looked down at Dean when Bobby told them as he stood, "This is going to be a long night… let's move them into living room."

Sammy waited until Missouri was ready and led her to the living room while Dean carried Meg. They met at the living room couch.

Silence reigned as they waited for Missouri to gather her thoughts. Dean started fidgeting after a few minutes of silence.

"She is not ready for the truth." Missouri said quietly not looking at anyone in particular.

"What does that mean?" Dean asked softly as he sat on the coffee table in front of Missouri.

She looked at Dean as she told him, "She has held onto her hate for so long just to live that it will take a while…" She searched for the right word, "to deprogram herself from the survival hate."

"Survival hate?" Sammy murmured while he stared at Meg as she lay on the couch.

"It's what she used to survive hell. She hated her parents for her situation… it fueled her survival and made it possible to accept her fate and to just survive." Missouri continued as she also stared at the still unconcious demon on the couch.

Sammy and Dean looked at each other then Bobby.

"It's why she was jealous of you. You and Dean, despite everything are here… together." Missouri said softly. "You still would die for each other. She doesn't remember having that and she wanted it."

Dean snarked, "Well she had a hell of a way of showing that was what she wanted, it kind of seemed like she wanted our heads on a platter."

"Azazel was the only father she remembered. Her real father threw her and her brother to the wolves so to speak." Missouri smiled sadly as she continued, "Dean… you must remember there is always more to what is happening than it seems. Look behind the obvious answers…"

"What does that mean, Missouri?" Dean asked but Missouri was stopped from answering by Meg when she moaned and then she sat straight up with a gasp.

"What the hell?" Meg snapped as she looked up at Bobby.

"You had a reaction to Missouri." Bobby said with a slight grin.

Her eyes jerked to Missouri as she stared at her almost fearfully as she whispered, "You saw?" she swallowed visably as she she continued, "everything?"

Missouri nodded, there wasn't a need to say anything else.

Meg blinked rapidly before she asked finally settled on one question, "What's my name?"

"Honey… you must remember that. This is a journey you must go on." Missouri started to say only to have Meg angrily interrupt her.

"So, what can you tell me? What do you want in order to tell me? My allegience? My…" Meg was on a roll and she was feeling trapped and at a disadvantage. She hated it!

"Girl… don't be stupid." Missouri admonished.

"I…" She stumbled to her feet as she backed away from everyone. The walls felt like they were closing in and she needed out.

Dean stood as he noticed Sammy was coming back into the room with a glass of water from the kitchen inadvertately placing Meg between them.

"This is what you wanted." Dean stated as he held his hands up in the '_I surrender_' pose.

"No… I would remember saying, '_Please jump into my head and know everything about me, even more than me… my deepest darkest secrets._'" Meg told Dean clearly frustrated.

Dean laughed; he couldn't help it, it sounded so much like something he would say.

She backed up into Sammy and froze.

Sammy moved the glass to in front of her face, she slowly looked at him and then took the glass from him. She smiled at Dean and then stepped to the side as she took a drink. Swallowing she said softly, "Okay… I'm done freaking out."

"Nice to know." Bobby said sarcastically as he sat down in the recliner near the couch. "So, what can you tell her… us?"

Missouri smiled as she patted the cushion next to her as she watched Meg.

Meg looked at Missouri as she contemplated if she was really was ready to know the truth about herself.

Missouri smiled as she told her, "You are ready, girl."

Meg frowned as she told her even as she stepped toward her, "I'm trusting you people… something I have not done…"

"Since your parents. It has been a long time dear." Missouri said in a calm tone.

"How can you be nice to me?" She asked as she stepped closer to Missouri.

Missouri smiled. The woman looked so at peace with herself that Meg wanted to growl in frustration.

Meg stepped even closer as she asked, "After everything you've seen about me, how can you still be nice?"

"Oh, sweetie, how could I not?" Missouri countered gently.

Meg snorted as she commented dryly, "That's makes no sense."

Missouri smiled again as she waited patiently for Meg to make her way back to her.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: Working away in my sandbox... adding all sorts of new gadgits... and ya know what... the certificate of authenticiity was fake! My genuine piece of the impala... a paint flake was a fake! Jerks... Bitches... how rude! It's not nice to break my heart! LOL... don't own 'um or a real paint flake either apparently! Smiles!

**NOTE#1**: I appreciate that no one has threatened to kill me because of the drop from daily to twice a week posts. I wasn't getting any packing done (moving in July) or writing on the next story... so this does takes alot of pressure off so thanks for understanding! I adore all of my FFF! Thanks for all the reviews and the favs/alerts! To Chessi- cheers! Another chapter...

**NOTE#2**: Have I said lately that I really love Sandbox Raids, black Impalas, and the Winchester boys? No... well there ya go! Enjoy!

Chapter 9

After Meg had settled back down on the couch and she finally looked Missouri in the eye she sighed as she asked, "What can you tell me?"

Missouri smiled as she told her quietly, "You are a very old soul."

"She has an old soul?" Sammy asked as his brain spun in a million different directions as to what things that could mean for the situation.

Missouri sighed as she told the room, "She has lived a long time… you can take that many ways."

"I don't know how old I should be up here…" Meg said in a barely audible voice as she sat her glass down on the coffee table in favor of twisting her ring around and around on her finger.

"But you spent thousands of years downstairs." Dean stated quietly because unfortunately he understood all to well how that worked as would Sammy if he could remember.

Meg nodded as tears sprang to her eyes. _This was more difficult than she imagined it would be to dredge the past up this way_, she thought to herself as she chewed her lip in anxiety filled nervousness.

Dean could relate, he had only spent four months up top time downstairs… _forty years too long_… his body shivered as he thought about the blood, the smell and the endless screams… he was brought out of his thoughts by Sam placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing. He smiled sadly up at Sam as he pushed Dean over to sit beside him.

"Anyway…" Dean sighed as he said, "Where do we go from here?"

Missouri looked at them as if studying each one before she told them. "I can tell you to look into something called the '_Hawthorne Knot_'. That will lead you to the place you need to be."

"But…" Dean started to say but blinked in surprise when Missouri disappeared.

He jumped up as he yelled, "What the fuck?" He turned to stare at Bobby as he called out, "Bobby?" who was looking around the room in shock.

"Angels." Meg said softly as she seemed to shrink against the couch; as if the couch could hide her from what had taken Missouri.

Sammy sat down beside Meg as he asked her, "How do you know it was Angels?"

"I can smell them." Meg whispered as she looked around in fear.

"Well, that's useful to know." Dean said with a touch of sarcasm as he called out, "Cas… need a conference. Can you step on down?"

Dean looked around and said when nothing happened, "Huh…"

Sammy whispered as he looked from Meg to Dean, "Maybe he's being watched right now."

"Could be." Dean said with a shrug as he asked Bobby, "What now?"

Bobby headed toward the study as he said over his shoulder, "We work with what she told us."

Dean asked as he followed behind, "And that is?"

"The Hawthorne Knot." Bobby stated as he sat down at his desk and pulled his laptop to him.

Sammy looked at Meg still hiding on the couch before he asked, "Does that mean anything to you?"

Meg rubbed at her forehead where a headache was quickly forming.

"Meg?" Sammy asked as he placed a hand on her knee.

"I feel like it should but…" She said suddenly stopping as she doubled over in agony when it felt like a knife was slashing into her head.

Sammy took a hold of her arms as he held her in place when she tried to curl up into a ball away from the pain.

"Meg… does it seem familiar?" Sammy questioned firmly, not letting go as he tried to get an answer.

She nodded yes, but then moaned as the pain seemed to double.

"Bobby what the hell? First Missouri and now Meg?" Dean snapped as he tried to figure out what was happening.

Bobby looked at Dean and as he shrugged he suggested softly, "Maybe we are getting too close to the truth… but why would that be a problem?"

Sammy was talking gently to Meg as she started crying; she had never felt the kind of pain she was experiencing when out of the blue she said, "Missouri is at home. She doesn't remember anything."

"How the hell do you know that?" Dean asked in shock. _'Could this day get any weirder_?' he wondered silently.

"I don't remember… I mean I don't know…" She struggled to say.

Dean snatched his cell phone off the desk where he laid it earlier. Looking up Missouri's number he called her waiting to see if she actually picked up. To his surprise she did after only the second ring.

"Hello, Dean. Haven't heard from you and Sam in awhile…" Missouri said conversationally.

"Uh, no… been kinda busy… just checking to see if your okay." Dean struggled to come up with why he would call seemingly for no reason.

"Yes, Dean I am. Be sure and call to tell me what this is all about when you get done with whatever you're up to." Missouri said with a hint of a smile in her voice as she hung up.

"Ok, weird." Dean said as he looked over once again to Sammy and Meg.

"Is it lightening up at all?" Dean asked starting to get a suspicious feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

"Uh, no… maybe." She mumbled as she tried to decide if it was getting better or not.

He gave Bobby a look and then headed for the kitchen.

After Dean was out of the room, Bobby stood and mumbled something about meds for Meg and followed Dean.

"Subtle..." Meg whispered as she tried to smile at Sammy.

"Meg, don't get pissed. But I have to ask… has this ever happened before?" Sammy asked her as he studied her face while he waited for her answer.

"What? A migraine?" She asked feeling as if in a foggy haze.

"No… the migraine and then knowing something." Sammy ammended as he continued to stare at her.

"What?" She looked up as she said sarcastically, "Like a physic?" She asked as she snorted.

"Yeah, exactly like that." Sammy stated while he crossed his arms across his chest as he waited.

"No, I'm not one of you." She snapped as she glared at him before she clutched her head once again.

"Are you sure about that?" Sammy asked quietly as he unconsciously raised an eyebrow while he waited for an answer.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: Not mine… no matter how much I cry, beg or try to make it so… SO, I will raid and write… and steal one of Dean's smile to pretend everything is all good… LOL!

**NOTE#1**: I make up stuff… it's AU and I am having fun with it… so hopefully no freakage and lots of enjoying the flowage! Thanks as always for the reviews, favs and alerts! Luv ya' all! My FFF... boredom is ramping up... so lots of writing and watching of the seasons...

Chapter 10

"Yes." She growled instantly pissed to be classed in the same category as her father's special projects. "If I had been he would have used it to his advantage a long time ago." She finally admitted the truth she had always known.

"Then maybe it was Cas." Sammy guessed because frankly he had to agree with Meg, if she'd had any gifts Azazel would have exploited them years ago.

"What?" She asked with a look of total confusion on her face as she tried to figure out what exactly Sam was getting at.

"Cas couldn't come when we called because he's grounded, but what if he sent you that message?" He told her quietly and at her blank stare he added, "To help without… _helping_."

"And the headache… that was just an added bonus?" She asked with a touch of sarcasm.

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are still technically a demon and he is an angel…" Sammy guessed as his brain twirled around the possibilities.

"That would totally suck Sammy." She told him with a pouty face.

Sammy laughed but sobered instantly at her glare. He quickly switched to an expression he often used when he talked to people on their cases as he told her with a sympathetic look plastered on his face, "Yep, it would."

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dean was hashing out his own theory with Bobby.

Bobby was staring wide eyed at Dean.

Dean showed his frustration as he huffed angrily at Bobby, "You got a better idea?"

Bobby stood silent so long that Dean snorted before he remarked smugly, "I didn't think so."

"If he already had a physic… a demon no less, why would he have needed Sam or the others for that matter?" Bobby asked as he tried to work out Dean's theory in his head.

"I don't know." Dean admitted with a healthy dose of frustration as he ran a hand through his hair.

"See." Bobby grinned at the totally annoyed expression now plastered on Dean's face.

"Maybe…" Dean started as another thought popped in.

"And why did she never use it on you two?" He asked and smirked at Dean's blank stare.

Dean frowned as he asked out of the blue, "Are you actually defending a demon?"

"Idjit." Bobby snapped as he stormed out of the room only to come back for a bottle of pills and a glass of water.

"Will those even work on her?" Dean asked, his tone doubtful.

"I guess we'll find out." Bobby said with a smirk.

Coming back into the room Meg asked Dean after she had taken the medicine and sat the glass down, "What's the verdict doc?"

"What?" Dean asked innocently.

"Really, Dean… I'm not stupid. You went to the kitchen to decide…" Meg started only to be interrupted by Dean.

"I did not." Dean denied loudly as he turned slightly red.

Sammy snorted as he changed the subject, "Ok, now what?"

"Now, I'll research the Hawthorne Knot and you guys… _I _guess can start looking through books." Bobby stated as he turned towards the library.

"For what?" Dean asked as he plopped down on one end of the couch.

"Idjit." Bobby muttered as he left the room.

Dean smiled as he leaned back and closed his eyes. He was so tired; he would just rest his eyes for a second he thought to himself.

Meg stood and whispered, "Let's look on the net too. You still have a laptop?" She asked Sammy as she waited on him to head to the library himself.

Sammy nodded as they headed to the study letting Dean sleep.

Hours later and they were still no closer to finding anything than they were before they'd started.

"Why I am here? What purpose have I ever served?" Meg asked quietly as her hand stilled while in the middle of picking up another book.

"Maybe to have a chance to right the wrong done to you and your family." Sammy said as he looked up thoughtfully at her from the laptop.

"What about the wrong I've done to so many? To you…" She looked towards the living room as she added, "To Dean."

"Look… I'm not a demon… but I've done my fair share of fucked up things and I was given a chance to fix it… why can't you have the same opportunity?" Sammy reasoned even though a part of him agreed, _okay a big part_ agreed with Dean, they had to be cautious.

"Hello, demon here." Meg said as she huffed her hair out of her eyes only to have it fall back to the same spot.

Sammy chuckled as he said, "Yeah… but."

"I wouldn't trust me either after Ruby." Meg commented frankly.

"I would prefer if you never mention her name again." Sammy said flatly causing Bobby to look up at them.

"Sorry." Meg said as she looked down in shame, she didn't want them associating her with that slut and then she goes and brings her up. She shook her head as she said softly, "We have no idea where to start. I have no idea of a name, a place or anything… not even a birth year. It's hopeless."

"Maybe not…" Bobby said thoughtfully as he stared at his computer screen.

"What?" Meg gasped as she quickly stood, "Did you find something?" she asked anxiously as she hopped slightly from one foot to the other.

"Well," Bobby sighed as he pointed to his monitor, "The only thing I'm coming up with can't be what we're looking for… but maybe it's a family tie though?" He asked as he glanced up at them, "Something to get us where we need to…" He said as he rubbed his chin, suddenly he stopped and stared once again at the screen in front of him.

Sammy stood as well and walked over to Bobby, placing a hand on his shoulder as he asked, "What is it?"

"It says the Hawthorne Knot was the Hawthorne's way of tying a message up to be delivered where it couldn't be read. They were the most trusted messengers of King Henry the firsts'." At the twin looks of confusion, Bobby said as he amended, "Ya know, The King of England. They were with him from the very beginning, before he even became King. They were instrumental in getting messages where they needed to be, unopened and secure. They would tie a ribbon around the missive, tie it with a special knot and seal that knot in wax. There was no way to untie or remove the wax without it being evident."

"Okay… but what's that got to do with Meg?" Sam asked as he looked at her to gauge her response.

She shrugged… she had no idea what it had to do with her.

Sammy leaned down and looked at the screen before he stood and stepped away from the computer towards the bookshelves.

"What? What is it?" Meg asked as she followed Sammy over to the bookshelves.

"I remember something about…" He started to say only to stop to read titles as he walked along the shelves, "I remember this book because it was the only one not about demons or supernatural things." Sammy said as he grabbed the old book he was looking for from one of the top shelves.

"What?" Bobby asked in a confused tone as he looked up to stare at Sammy before he told him, "All my books are about the supernatural."

"Bobby, this one is about the reigns of the Kings of England. How's that supernatural?" Sammy asked as he came back to sit down at the desk across from Bobby.

"It has demon possessions and evil through out it." Bobby growled in an aggravated tone.

Sammy laughed as he told Bobby, "Show me."

Bobby held out his hand and as he took the book he muttered, "Chocked full of it."

Sammy folded his arms across his chest as he waited, a smile playing on his lips.

Meg just watched curiously as she wondered what any of this had to do with her.

**TBC**

**ShortNote: **Hawthornes, as far as I know were never messangers or cousins to the Kings of England. There was however, theories of how he may have murdered a brother to become King. Just in case you think I'm insulting a relative of yours... I'm sorry. But if that is the case, I'm insulting mine as well... LOL~Crissi


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: Don't own and the only things that are mine are the shit I make up! (like Hawthorne's Knot)... Oh, and the Sandbox Raids to the Winchester's... uh... never mind... Smiles and giggles!

**NOTE#1**: Hoping for no throwing of lead balloons or rotten… anything! This is where I feel she would progress to… so that's where I let it take me. Hope you enjoy and have fun with this… and as always, thanks for the reviews, favs and alerts! 7 Day migraine's suck... stupid freakin' migraine monster! To all my FFF: Huge wave with a side of HuGGs!

Chapter 11

"Right here." Bobby pointed triumphantly at a page about one third of the way through the book.

Sammy raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he waited for Bobby's explanation.

Bobby sighed as he told Sammy, "The youngest son becomes King… King Henry the first…" At the blank looks he continued, "Of England."

"U…huh and that's supernatural?" Sammy asked as he shook his head in disbelief.

"No, idgit… the fact that one brother was on crusades and the other died in a hunting '_accident_' and that left the youngest to grab the throne unhindered." Bobby informed him in an aggravated tone.

"And that's supernatural?" Sammy asked, waiting for clarification that he was getting what Bobby was saying.

"Crossroads Deal obviously." Bobby stated smugly.

"Aren't they good for only 10 years before they collect?" Sammy asked as he watched Bobby.

"So?" Bobby said clearly getting pissed off that Sam wasn't getting it.

"He was King for 35 years." Sammy said with a smile.

"Well," Bobby frowned as he looked from Sammy to Meg who was staring at them both as if they'd suddenly grown two heads.

"Yes oh great one?" Sammy said with a smirk as he tried not to laugh at him when he was being so serious.

Bobby threw a pin at him as he snapped, "Maybe it was a special deal from the devil himself?"

"Reaching there a little aren't you?" Sammy asked with a chuckle.

"Shuddup." Bobby growled as his face turned a lobster shade red after they get the dip in boiling water.

"Okay." Meg said crankily, "What has that got to do with me?"

"Don't know yet." Bobby said with a shrug.

Then a strange look came over his face before he blurted out, "How many souls did he have to trade to reign for that long?"

"What?" Sammy asked totally confused.

"How many people did he execute or kill in battle in trade for 35 years or the _25 extra years?_" Bobby asked smugly.

Sammy shook his head as he told Bobby, "I just don't think that's it. He did unite some of the country and they had relative peace."

"Are we talking about the same king here?" Bobby asked incredulously.

"I guess not." Sammy said with a sigh as he tried to change the subject. "So what does this have to do with the Hawthornes? Other than being messangers of his?"

"They advanced in the ranks to the only ones he trusted with his personal messages." Bobby said slowly and then did a quick search on the family Hawthorne.

He went from screen to screen for over two hours before he said in a hushed voice, "I'll be damn… Meg take a look at that." He said as he pointed to the screen.

She had been pacing back and forth in front of the desk as she chewed on her nails. She quickly circled around it to stare at the screen and then looked down at her hand as she whispered, "My ring."

"Didn't you say it was your grandmother's ring?" Bobby asked as he looked up at her before he added, "Maybe it was passed down for several generations?"

"But…" She stared at the portrait of an older lady dressed elegantly and wearing the ring that Meg now wore on her hand. "Who is that?" she whispered in an almost fearful voice.

"The Lady Elizabeth Hawthorne, cousin to William the first, mother to Reginald Hawthorne, personal messanger and favored cousin of Henry I. He married Toryndale Montfort, who actually taught her husband the knot and suggested the way to tie and wax the messages to prevent them being read by others. They had two children… a boy and a girl. Then…" Bobby stopped and looked at Meg startled.

"What?" She asked for what seemed to her the hundredth time since they came into the library.

"I know who you are." Bobby said quietly.

She stared at him several seconds before she realized what he was saying. She backed away as she said, "No… that's not possible. That can't..."

Sammy asked softly, "What does it say happened Bobby?"

Bobby shook his head as he said in a tired tone, "We need to look elsewhere."

"No… tell me." Meg asked so quietly that Bobby looked at her funny.

"It says the girl was about 5 years old and the boy was older. The father Reginald was found covered in his wife's blood. They say he went crazy and killed his wife and children. They never found the children's bodies though." He hestitated before he conitnued, "It would match what you have said, Meg."

"Is there any descriptions of the children? What was the girl's name?" Meg asked as she took a step back.

"The girl's name was Toryndale Elizabeth Hawthorne." Bobby told her as he stared at her intently, searching for a reaction to indicate she remembered.

"My brother?" Meg asked expressionless.

"Reginald Montgomery Hawthorne the third." Bobby told her as he continued to watch her.

Meg's lips trembled and as her eyes filled with tears she backed away from them. She rubbed at her eyes and wiped at the tears. She was seeing flashes of her brother as he picked her up and ran through a yard of some kind while he told her to hush… to stop crying or they would find them… he called her Toryn.

She sank to her knees as she sobbed out, "I changed my mind… I don't want to remember."

Sammy stepped towards Meg as he started to reach for her she screamed at him. "No." She cried out, "It's too much…" she moaned as she started to rock herself, arms wrapped tightly across her chest.

Dean was suddenly beside her pulling her into his arms as he whispered, "It's okay, Meg."

"No." She sobbed as she told him, "My name is Toryn."

"What?" Dean echoed what they had been saying the last several hours.

"My name is Toryn… I don't want to be called Meg anymore…" She sobbed into Dean's shoulder as she whispered, "I killed her I don't have the right to use her name…" She sobbed harder as she told Dean, "I don't want to use her name anymore. I've caused her enough pain. I am Toryn."

"OK, Tori…" Dean said as he patted her back and stared over her head at Sammy as he mouthed, "What the fuck?"

"We found out who she is." Sammy stated flatly.

"I figured out that much." Dean snarked over her head at Sammy.

"She was taken to hell in 1103 along with her older brother." Bobby stated softly.

**TBC**

**TinYNoTe: **So, have I totally freaked you out? I actually thought that if she had truly changed she would feel guilt over using Meg's name and would want to use her own... ~Crissi


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: Not mine... not mine... not mine... (tape recorder on repeat) They say if you listen to something on tape while you sleep it will be absorbed into your subconscious memory and you will learn things this way... gotta tell you... _it's so not working_! LOL!

**NOTE#1**: Love all my FFF! Love the reviews, favs and alerts! Totally rockin' awesome! I want to thank everyone that is sticking with me on the change from daily updates to twice a week! I know it was a big change and I appreciate the support! (blows kiSSeS)

Chapter 12

"The 1100's… are you sure? I mean… that's um… Jeez, Tori… you're really… _old_." Dean said as he tried to tease her a little. Because his thoughts tried to stray to his time downstairs- 40 years too long and that had been major suckage... Sammy and his dad even longer... But Toryn... his body physically shuddered at the thought. Slam the door shut on those thoughts! Back the hell right back away from that!

She glared at him as she mumbled, "Shuddup, Dean." She sniffled as she thought of everything lost.

"Well, you give a whole new meaning to the words '_old woman_'." Dean said with a chuckle has he gave her shoulder a quick squeeze before he stood. He hadn't been planning on letting her slip past his defenses like that. He took a step back. He didn't want to set them up for another fall like with Ruby, they couldn't take another hit like that in the trust department. He didn't want to relive that anytime soon so he needed to remember to keep his distance. For the most part he'd been suspicious but there were moments where he even been glad Ruby was on their side and how fucked had that been? He had points in time where he had inklings of trust and she had screwed them up enough they barely recovered. It couldn't happen again. They wouldn't survive that kind of betrayal again. So he took another step back and put more distance between them.

She rubbed her head as Sammy helped her to her feet. Looking around she asked softly, "What now? What do I do from here?"

Bobby cleared his throat as he looked at them and told them, "Well, we can do some more research. See what we can dig up on the Hawthornes. See if we can figure out what really happened. It may take some time to..."

"I told you they gave my brother and me to Azazel." Meg now Toryn answered bitterly when the spark of anger surfaced.

"Then why was your mother killed and why did your father go crazy if he was a willing participant in you ending up in hell?" Bobby asked as his mind worked out a dozen different scenarios in his head.

Toryn stared at Bobby for several seconds before she turned and walked out of the room.

Sammy followed her sitting down on the couch to watch her as she stared out the living room window.

"I lived on hate for so long… it fueled me ya know... kept me going." She shivered and folded her arms across her chest as she stared for several minutes in silence out the window.

"I hated you guys for the relationship you had." She continued in an almost whisper. "You'd do anything for each other. You loved each other that much… you died for each other without blinking an eye… that devotion…" She sighed before she said softly, "I hated you so much for having what I couldn't. _What I lost_… I targeted families like you… _like Meg_. It was evil and how can I ever get past that?" She turned to face Sammy, "I can never make up for that kind of evil."

Sammy tilted his head studying her before saying, "I was a soulless bastard for over a year letting my brother _whose never been anything but good_ think I was dead. Then I did nothing to help him get my soul back… Your not the only one that's done evil and that has to repent for it."

Neither realized that Dean was leaning against the doorframe as he listened to their conversation.

"bitch," Dean said from the doorway startling both of them, "We all have things we regret and need forgiveness for."

Toryn looked surprised to realize Dean was calling Sammy a bitch and not her. She frowned in confusion. Sammy seemed unfazed by it as he responded with, "jerk… you can't just wash that all away… I have to make up for it."

Dean pushed off the doorframe as he said, "Will you never learn? That's how we ended up in all that shit in the first place."

"But I don't…" Sammy started to say only to be interrupted by Dean.

"But nothing… blanket do over…" Dean said with the stubborn jutting out of his chin.

Sammy shook his head no.

"I wasn't askin, bitch…" Dean said as he walked over and slugged Sammy on the arm.

Dean finally looked at Tori before he said, "You… need to only do good from now on… that will fix your problems."

She snorted as she told him, "You make it sound so easy."

Dean shrugged as he told her honestly, "No… it will be far from easy. But if you really mean it... You will make it because you will have 3 of the best hunters on the planet backing you plus a currently grounded Angel of the Lord." he stated as he folded his arms across his chest as he sat on the coffee table in front of Sam and stared at her.

She looked at him and burst into tears as she turned to run blindly out the front door letting the screen slam shut behind her.

"Huh? Was it something I said?" Dean asked he stood in unison with Sam almost colliding with him. They kind of danced around each other and then Dean followed Sammy outside. They found her sobbing beside the impala's back tire.

They sat down in the dirt beside her as they waited for her to notice them.

She whispered as she kept her face hid, "How can you do that so easy?"

"Do what?" Sammy asked as he glanced at Dean.

"The things I've done." She sobbed and then said as she looked up at Dean, "_To you alone_…"

"Toryn. When we lost sight of us Heaven and Hell were both against us… what shot did we have? I mean really." Dean began as he held up his hand to silence Sammy and continued, "What Sam did without a soul and what you did after being giving to a demon as a child, neither of you had a choice. What you became because of that is not your fault… what chance did you have? I guess Cas' kiss gave you a jolt of Angel goodness… _shit_ that sounds… _nasty_… anyways, it kicked started your human… I don't know, it jumpstarted you back on the path you should have had the chance to be on. So… so I guess what I'm trying to say is…what you do from this moment on. Well from the moment you decided to be good." He ammended before he added, "that's on you."

She stared at Dean for several seconds before she whispered, "No wonder the women adore you…"

Dean snorted before he said, "Okay…" He drew out the word before he continued, "Kinda out in left field there."

She smiled as she clarified, "You can talk anyone into doing anything or believing anything is possible."

Dean grinned a '_hell, yeah. I know I'm that awesome_' grin as he shrugged and then added, "So if you fuck up and revert back or betray us even once… I will kill you."

She lifted an eyebrow as she sniffled, "I wouldn't expect anything else from you." she told him honestly. He was Dean Winchester after all.

Dean could feel Sammy staring at him and looking only confirmed that little brother was gaping at him like a fish out of water, "What Sam?"

"What exactly did I do that _I'm not responsible for_?" Sam asked suspiciously.

Dean went into instant panic mode and wore a '_Oh, shit… what a way to fuck up_!' look on his face. "I don't know, Sammy." Dean quipped, "I wasn't there, remember?" Hoping to shock Sammy into forgetting that the last several months when he had been there, honestly he had no idea what Sam did or did not remember. "What haven't you told me?"

Sammy looked genuinely confused as tried to figure out what Dean was saying or rather _not saying_.

Dean slapped him on the leg as he told him, "Don't worry about it, we've made it and will get through anything that comes our way…" then he squeezed Sam's leg as he added, "together."

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: Dude, their not mine… _pushy ass suits_!… What? Me? (points to self, then begins to shake head rapidly no) I didn't say a thing. Nope. Quiet as a school house mouse… _what? Oh, that's not right_? Oh, I'm suppose to say quiet as a church house mouse… yeah cause makes so much more sense… _idgits_! (muttered under breath) Smiles sweetly as hums softly, Carry on…

**NOTE#1**: Well…. I was actually done and then when I was editing when I was viciously attacked by the plot bunny and hum… well… I changed this chap and added another chapter. So, anyways… Thanks to all my FFF for your support. I recently lost an Aunt (thurs) and it's been emotionally… a roller coaster. So, please forgive me if I'm alittle scatterbrained… ah! I know what you're thinking.. (ya think really loud, ya know) When am I NOT scatter brained? LOL… Seriously, thank you all for the reviews, favs and alerts... oh, have I mentioned the pms and emails... looks adoringly at the screen.

Chapter 13

"So we say it is day one for all of us and start from there?" Toryn asked softly; as she waited she chewed on her lower lip nervously.

"Yeah…" Dean replied quietly. He had spent 40 years as hell's chew toy; he couldn't imagine over 900 hundred. Well _he could_ he just didn't want to. No wonder she had been such a pissed off demon.

"Dean… I don't remember anything really bad happening… I mean getting out and not telling you is fucking awful, not helping you get my soul back… but this blanket do over… _what have I_…" Sammy started again.

"Sammy." He snapped sternly as his face took on a blank _not getting any information here _look, "drop it… we're moving on."

"But Dean…" Sammy practically yelled as he tried to get his brother to listen, "I don't remember that and everything is fuzzy… well except you and Bobby. I had a girlfriend in college but… _what happened_?"

Dean stared as he whispered in a slight stutter, "Wha…t?" he schooled his voice back to a normal tone as he continued, "You don't remember?"

"I mean I know things… like dad's… gone and I've done bad things but I don't _remember_ it. I mean the worst thing I remember is getting out and not telling you. Pretty much the only thing I do remember plus not helping you get my soul back… _you told me that_. But where I was, what I did and why… blank."

Dean blinked repeatedly as he wondered what to make of this before he finally managed, "And you waited two weeks to tell me this?"

"I was worried about you." Sammy admitted with a shrug before he added; "besides it's nice to feel…" Sammy stopped as he searched for the right word, "Peace."

Dean grinned as he told Sammy, "Easy fix then. Let's enjoy… some peace for awhile."

Sammy gave a return grin dimples and all as he said, "Whatever you say, D."

Dean stopped in his tracks as he stared at Sammy before blasting him with the full force of his biggest smile. It'd been awhile since Sammy had been this calm, enough to use his old nickname and just agree to let things go just because Dean asked him to.

He looked at Meg… Toryn as they walked back towards the house. He hoped like hell this wasn't something he would live to regret. He shook his head as he wondered if they weren't all crazy.

He was concentrating so hard on his thoughts that he didn't hear Cas pop in and was once again surprised to run into someone. Looking up he stared into Cas' blue eyes and stumbled back a step as he mumbled, "I thought you were grounded."

Cas frowned as he replied, "I am. Father gave me a few minutes. You are not crazy, Dean."

Dean huffed as he snapped, "Stay out of my head, Cas."

Cas sighed as he said in a confused tone, "I thought it would comfort you to know you…"

"Cas." Dean whined as Sammy chuckled which earned him an elbow to the side causing his chuckle to end in a cough and an exclaimed, "jerk."

"That's right, bitch. Don't make fun of me." Dean muttered under his breath.

"I wasn't making… what are you two?" Sammy grumbled as he rubbed his side.

Dean gave Sammy a shove as he muttered, "Two and a half, thank you."

"Cas, why are you here now?" Toryn asked quietly as she watched Cas' face.

"To tell you all that Sammy has been given peace. You are being given a chance and Dean… you have only to ask and you will receive what God has for you, the same goes for Bobby." Cas said cryptically.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean snapped as he realized how tired he was of all the cryptic shit.

"It means when you need it, you will know when to ask for it." Cas explained with a smile.

"Oh… Okay…" Dean said slowly because, _hello, still not making sense here_. He frowned as he glared at Cas.

Cas looked at Toryn as he stepped closer he told her, "And you Meg… I am…"

"I am Toryn… that's _my_ name." She told him she took a hesitant step towards him.

"Like when you called me Clarence?" He asked confused once he stood in front of her looking down at her.

"Well, more Meg was my Clarence." She stated with a sad smile as she stared back up at him.

"I do not understand." Cas told her with a slight frown.

"It's okay." Meg said with a smile.

"But…" He started only to be interrupted with a kiss that Toryn stood on tiptoe to give him.

"It is one reason you are so loveable, Cas." She said as she stepped away with a slight blush dusting her cheeks.

"I don't under… " He stopped in mid word and looked frantically skyward, "Gotta go, my time is up." And just like that he disappeared.

"Well," Dean began as his words started to drip with sarcasm, "That was enlightening."

Toryn glanced at him as she said in her own confused voice, "I thought it was a little vague."

Sammy laughed at the look Dean gave Toryn as they headed back inside to see what Bobby was up to.

A little while later with Toryn on the laptop looking up what Bobby was instructing her to look up, Dean came into to sit beside his little brother who had wandered upstairs and was perched on Dean's bed staring off into space.

When Sammy said nothing Dean bounced the bed once with his body and then waited for a response from Sammy. The longer he waited and nothing happened the bigger Dean's frown became until it enveloped his whole face. He'd about decided it was time to panic when Sammy commented softly, "Remember old lady Hardwell telling you your face was going to freeze that way."

Dean looked incredulous and then laughed as he asked, "You remember her? You were like four." He commented with a chuckle as he thought of the only babysitter they'd had that didn't freak when dad came to collect them covered in… _work_. She had just told him to bring us by next time we came to town, like she knew dad was movin' on." He chuckled again as he added, "Which he was."

"D… this is not right." Sammy mumbled.

"Huh?" Dean asked as his panic level rose instantly.

"I know things but I don't remember them happening… tell me that's normal?' Sammy demanded as he looked at Dean with puppy dog eyes in full glory.

"For you… that's…" Dean started only to have Sammy angrily interrupt.

"How can I take care of you if I can't remember jack shit?" Sammy snapped as he stood and stepped away.

Dean jumped up as he snapped, "We take care of each other and nothing can change that… Lord knows everything on the planet and off of it has tried…" Dean voice had risen to a strong bellow as he continued, "But come hell or fallen angels we are doing this." Dean stopped and stared at Sammy and then said softly but firmly, "together."

Sammy blinked a couple of times before he launched himself at his brother and grabbed him in a bear hug as he whispered, "Okay, big brother…" as he felt Dean slump against him in exhaustion he repeated gently, "Okay together it is."

Dean's arms went around Sammy as he whispered, "What I wanted."

Sammy knew that wasn't all Dean had said but it was just enough to know what Dean meant. He led Dean over and sat him down gently pushing him back.

Dean started struggling as soon as he realized what Sammy was trying to do, "No… I."

"I'm staying right here, bro." Sammy said comfortingly.

Dean studied Sammy's face and then nodded before lying back on the pillow. A soft sigh escaped as Dean closed his eyes. _He was tired_, he could finally admit to himself.

Sammy started to try to get comfortable but as soon as he raised his body off the bed to find a more comfortable spot, Dean's hand snagged his wrist. He didn't open his eyes just gave a slight squeeze and a tiny grin before another sigh. Sammy grinned as he settled back down and placed his free hand on Dean's chest just relaxing in the steady rise and fall of his brother's chest. The rest… _it didn't matter_. They were together, Bobby and Cas were okay and Meg- Toryn was trying to change. _Life was good_.

Toryn stood in the doorway, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had hated them for their love for each other when really she had been so damn jealous. _Would she be able to be good_? It felt so hard. _Would she ever be loved like that_?

She startled when she felt arms come around her from behind and was even more shocked when she realized it was Cas.

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Still so not mine! Dang it all to Hades! Sandbox... uh hum... just clearing my throat... (waits for suits to leave) leans in close and whispers at screen, Raiders Unite~!

**NOTE#1**: This is a first for me folks, I had the ending already done. The last chapter (13) has been done for awhile when a scene came to me and I added another chapter, (this one) while I was editing for my Sunday June 26 Post. So I hope this is an ending that was worth the extra chapter! ;) Random Note: Ever tried to type with a insane little fur ball wrapped around wour wrist biting and clawing the shit of you! Just askin'... LOL Hope you like and thanks so much for sticking with me through everything! (the switch from daily to twice a week) Thanks so much for reviews and Favs/Alerts!

Chapter 14

"What are you doing here?" Toryn whispered as she looked over her shoulder to stare at Cas. _Wow_! The color of his eyes, she thought randomly as she melted back against him.

"I snuck down to see you. I heard…" Cas began only to have Toryn interrupt him.

She gasped as she turned in his arms. "You have to go back. I don't want you to be punished because of me."

He kissed her and thought vaguely, _Dean was right… it was a good way to shut up a babbling female._

"Cas? Did you hear me? _You have to go_." She said as she pulled back so she could see him better... _look him in the eye_.

He tightened his grip as he told her, "Not before I tell you I heard you crying."

She frowned at him as she whispered, "You heard me in… _Heaven_?"

He nodded as he told her, "Your soul cries even louder than you."

She blinked a few times before she managed a huh.

He chuckled softly as he kissed her again. This time she couldn't help it, she melted back against him as she lay her head on his chest after the kiss ended.

He smiled down at the top of her head as he told her, "You can have love if you let yourself."

She looked up at him as she told him, "Dean's right… _that is_ creepy."

At his confused look she grinned as she told him, "Clary you are adorable."

He sighed as he told her sadly, "I thought we had gotten past that."

She laughed as she told him. "Fine my Cas… _you…" _She tapped him lightly on the nose_, _"You are adorable."

Cas smiled as he told her, "And you are hot."

She blinked as she snorted in disbelief at Cas… _an Angel _telling her… she shook her head as she opened her mouth to reply.

"What?" Cas asked in confusion as he took a couple of steps back and fell back onto a small loveseat.

She sat down on his lap as she circled her arms around his neck.

Cas told her sincerely, "Dean says that when…"

"Ahhhhh… _well that explains it_. So Dean told you_ that_?" She asked drawing out the word that.

"Well, he said that Lisa was hot and she was his girl and since you are mine…" Cas began and then a stricken look came over his face as he continued, " You are mine… _right_?" Cas asked as he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

She grinned as she told him, "When I am worthy of you… yes I will be yours."

He frowned as he asked, "So you don't want to be now?"

She moved a hand to slap him on the chest as she mumbled. "Of course I do."

"Then why?" Cas' confusion almost overpowering the air.

"I'm not good enough for you yet, Cas. I have to earn you and Singer and the boys. I can't just expect to just have everything I want because I want it that way…" Toryn stated sadly.

"But I…" Cas began as he tried to understand what she was trying to tell him. It seemed simple to him.

She kissed him;_ It was a good tactic to shut up a rambling man_.

Unknown to them, they had an audience in the doorway across from the them. The boys she had just mentioned were standing in it listening. Dean pulled Sammy back as he looked at him. When they were back to the bed they both sat down. After a few seconds of silence Dean blinked and said, "Well, that was informative."

Sammy grinned as he asked jokingly, "You explained the _Hot_ _System_ to Cas?"

Dean shook his head as he clarified, "I _tried_ to explain it… _he didn't get it_."

"Well, apparently he got some of it." Sammy sniggered back at his older brother.

They almost fell off the bed as a clap of thunder shook the house and boomed echoes throughout it. They jumped up and ran to the hallway only to see Gabriel standing there smirking at them all.

"Gabe… was that really necessary?" Sammy asked crankily.

"No." Gabe said with a smirk before he added, "_But_ it was funny."

"That's a matter of opinion." Dean snapped in his _I'm pissed now so don't fuck with me_ tone.

Bobby came tearing up the stairs with shotgun in hand.

"It's okay…" Dean said holding up a hand as he told Bobby, "It's only Gabe."

"Yeah, well what the hell is he doing in my house uninvited?" Bobby growled as he moved closer to stand next to Sam and Dean.

"_I'm not a vampire_…" Gabe told him sarcastically before he added, "besides that's bull anyway, vampires can come in invited or not."

"The reason you're in my house?" Bobby snarled through gritted teeth.

"Easy there cowboy. I'm the good one…_ well_." He amended, "I'm not all "_destroy everything_" He did the air quotations around destroy everything. Before continuing, "like our brothers, right _Cassie_?"

Cas frowned as he sat Toryn down beside him and stood placing her out of Gabe's sight by standing in front of her as he asked, "Why are you here?"

"To save your lily white ass, brother." Gabe said with a grin as he spread his arms wide.

Cas paled as he looked around quickly.

"Don't worry we have a few minutes. Mikey is looking in the gardens for you. I kinda let it slip you went there. So come on, Dad wants to see you." Gabe reached out and grabbed Cas' arm as he told the room in general, "I'll bring him back when it's safe." and they both disappeared.

The hallway was quiet for several seconds before Dean said as he tried to lighten the mood, "Never a dull moment in your house, Bobby."

"Not with you three in it." Bobby said as he joked back with Dean. As he turned and headed back down the hall he muttered loudly, "Peace and quiet my ass."

Dean threw back his head and laughed before he went back into the bedroom to finish his nap, he was dog dead tired and he felt it was finally safe to rest for a few minutes. He was asleep before Sammy made it into the room.

Toryn wandered back down the stairs to help Bobby with more research.

**THE END**


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